衔接与连贯的重要性 对“吴慧冬英语‘听,读,单词’终极学习法”英语文本的批改

李晨认为,学习英语到了一定的水平,并积累了一定的教学经验的学习者和教师,比如像同行吴慧冬老师那样能够到全国各地巡讲和辅导口译、成功学和出国考试的优秀教育工作者,对于自身英语素养的提高更要孜孜以求,不可固步自封;并在日常教学中用高质量的语言(授课口语或写作评改)起到良好的模范、标杆作用,从而让学生受益。 然而,吴慧冬老师最新的一篇英语博文“吴慧冬英语‘听,读,单词’终极学习法”,却暴露出了很多因不够严谨而造成的写作错误。这在李晨看来绝不是一个高级英语讲师所应表现出的治学态度,遂加以评改,旨在抛砖引玉,请广大英语爱好者和教师同行们予以批评指正。

李晨评改 吴慧冬英语‘听,读,单词’终极学习法

原文(第一段) 语言修改
Listening

My students always complaint that they are sick of tired of the boring grammar and vocabulary. If you think it is of no interest to learning grammar and vocabulary, please go back to the primal mode of learning – listening and observation. Be alert when you listen to someone speaking English, be it at your classroom, at school, at dorm, or on television wherever you can access to English. Watch out for common expressions and usages. A peasant in America who has never been to school, an illiterate, has no trouble understanding and speaking to his great president of his country, why? The reason for that is because he uses and listens to his language every day. When you are listening, try to perceive the key words and expression for you to recall the whole and retell the central idea. Do not listen to the separated words with no meanings. Cultivating the habit of listening anything related to English and gets the sense of English.

Listening

My students always complain that they are sick and tired of learning grammar and vocabulary (the boring end of learning English). If you have the same problem, please go back to the primal mode of learning — listening and observation. Be alert when you listen to someone speaking English wherever you have access to English, be it in your classroom, at school, in your dorm, or on television. Watch out for common expressions and usages while you listen.

A peasant in America who has never been to school, an illiterate, has no trouble understanding and speaking to his president, why? The reason for that is because he uses and listens to his language everyday, through which oral communication becomes natural to them. By the same token, you should try to cultivate the habit of listening to English whenever possible and, in turn, strengthen your sense of English. To make your listening practice more effective, please concentrate not on deciphering the separated words, but on perceiving the key words and expressions for you to recall and retell the central idea.

本段评点 整体而言作为传授方法的文章,大量祈使句(imperative sentence)的使用的确达成了作者的本意。但是一旦细看,全文除了介词和固定搭配错误之外,整段的衔接与连贯(Cohesion and Coherence)是较为薄弱的,故改后稿中予以分段且加入必要的连接词。有的句子言犹未尽,需要补全;也有的句子语意重复,可以省略。

 

原文(第二段) 语言修改
Reading

While listening to English speakers definitely helps, it is important to read if you wish to expedite the process of improving. Most people are put off by this because they associate reading with big literary books. However, what I am talking about is reading anything and everything written in correct English. Therefore, your range of choices could extend from books from library to articles with English in the newspaper stand, gadget manuals to movie reviews. While reading, try and get a feel of the language and usage of words. More importantly, underline and digest the use of words and expressions as these are areas where the most common errors are committed. Do not desperately improve your vocabulary by reading books ,for books are more than that. It’s functions are to help you broaden your perspective of information. If you come across some bewildering words, try not to consult the dictionary but to use the context and sense of language to guess and figure out.

Reading

While listening to English definitely helps, it is important to read if you wish to expedite the process of improving your English. Most people are put off by reading because they associate it with perusing chunky literary works. However, what I am talking about is reading anything and everything written in correct English. Therefore, your range of choices could extend from books in library to English magazines in the newspaper stand, from gadget manuals to movie reviews. While reading, try and get a feel of the language and usage of words. More importantly, underline and digest the use of words and expressions, e.g. plural forms, prepositions, collocations etc., as these are areas where the most common errors are committed. Do not read books for the sake of enlarging vocabulary, because you can achieve much more than that. One important function of reading is to help you broaden your perspective of certain subjects. If you come across some bewildering words, try not to consult the dictionary but to use the context and sense of language to guess and figure it out.

本段评点 这一段需要增补的部分更多,主要因为很多作者想要表达出来的意思没有落成文字,造成文中多处出现语义不够连贯的问题。此外,本段还存在指代不明以及一些句式使用上的错误。

 

原文(第二段) 语言修改
vocabulary

I like reciting the vocabulary simply because it is the premise of all language. During the schoolings , I had taken part into many exams, such as Band 4 and 6, Tem4 and 8, IELTS and TOEFT, to all of which a gigantic of vocabulary is a must. And I had recited more than 12000 words before I got the guts to sit for the Tem 8. The approaches to memorizing the new words are putting the new words into sentences and use the “First Person” to produce, imaging in what situation can I use this word or sentence. Take the words of “compete, competitive, competitor, competition”, I will put all those separated words into one sentence and imagine the occasion I am involved like “Tonight, I am going to compete with many competitive competitors in this competition.” Using one sentence to link all the words together and speak it out with passion and confidence. The more you use your imagination, the larger your vocabulary will be. Do not learn the boring words by rote, but commit yourself to learning ten more new linking words and sentences daily. If possible, maintain a notebook and put all those Chinese expressions into English while you are on an outing, at the shopping mall, at home, at school or any places you can be in touch with. When you can note down the new words everyday, make sure that they are along with the sentences, so you can remember them better. Write down the exact meaning and also frame. First Person Sentence using the word, so it is now registered in your memory. Go through the notebook periodically to refresh your memory and employ the words in your conversations or emails, coupled with an eye for observation and an ear for new words to imitate and show off are all it takes to enlarge your command of vocabulary efficiently

Vocabulary

I like reciting vocabulary simply because it is the prerequisite for all language skills development. While at college, I had taken part in many exams, such as Band 4 and 6, TEM 4 and 8, IELTS and TOEFL, to all of which a gigantic amount of (这里的a gigantic amount of用large即可) vocabulary is a must. And I had recited more than 12,000 words before I got the guts to sit for TEM 8.

My approach
to memorizing new words is using one sentence to link all the news words together with myself as the subject of that sentence. Take the words of “compete, competitive, competitor, competition” for example, I will put all those separated words into one sentence and imagine the occasion I am involved in using them, like “Tonight, I am going to compete with many competitive competitors in this competition. ”

Using one sentence to link all the words together and speak it out with passion and confidence. The more you use your imagination, the larger your vocabulary will be. Do not learn the boring words by rote, but commit yourself to learning ten more new inter-linking words and sentences daily.

If possible, maintain a notebook and put all those Chinese expressions you encounter into English while you are on an outing, e.g. the signs and notices at the shopping mall, at home, at school or any places you can be in touch with. When you can note down new words everyday, make sure that they are written along with sample sentences, so you can remember and understand them better. Write down the exact meaning and also frame (?). Make First Person Sentence using the word, so it becomes registered in your memory. Go through the notebook periodically to refresh your memory and employ the words in your conversations or emails, coupled with an eye for observation and an ear for new words to imitate and show off are all it takes to enlarge your command of vocabulary efficiently.

本段评点 这一段作者想要传达的想法非常多,但是各个点内部以及互相之间的联系较为薄弱,予以分段后文意更为明朗。与上一段一样,作者自己的想法落成文字后往往让人费解,很多地方语义不明,需要补全细节。此外还存在指代不明、拼写错误,以及用词不当的错误,比如 schooling 其实指的是儿童的教育,并不直接等同于education.

总体而言,吴老师的这篇英语博文想要传达的学习方法是非常精彩的,但是在细节上的不拘小节让文章的可读性大大降低;且作为读者,李晨不得不刻意添加内容和连接词以便让文章做到论述清楚且合乎逻辑,可见吴老师的文章直接违背了英语“开门见山”的写作风格。

据李晨一己之见,国内的英语学习风气以“交流”,特别是“口语交流”为重中之重,对于“写作交流”能力的提高并没有真正重视起来,并进一步弱化了对于语法的研习(或许在习题量上并没有弱化,但是对于语法的使用,即所谓的 communicative grammar 的掌握则还存在很严重的问题),这是非常危险的趋势。

在英国大学就读的中国学生常常被认为雅思成绩“虚高”,最主要的原因就在于学生上交的essay中充斥着语法错误和较为严重的逻辑不连贯等问题,从而直接影响了文意的表达和课业成绩。这也是为什么英国排名靠前的大学和专业往往要求国际学生在雅思考试的写作单项中得到至少7分的原因。 事实上,不仅仅是英国大学重视学生的写作,在目前的国际商务交往当中,较强的英语写作能力仍然是对业内人士的基本要求。不仅要“写得快”(writing fluency),以便抓住商机,还要“写得准”(writing accuracy),二者缺一不可!

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